Sunday, July 29, 2007
This Friday morning will be my SOC test. For all the months of training, it comes down to this. The first test that really matters. From the first time, wearing clean fatigue and just a helmet, running towards the low wall, and actually clearing it. To shaking legs and trembling arms as I walked up the balancing bean and Jacob's ladder. Its the one thing I fear most, and the one thing I thought I would never pass. I would love so badly to get a pass, better still if I repeat my personal feat of getting below 9.30.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
4:43 pm
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Friday, July 27, 2007
My new Asics Excalibur! Its as heavy as a feather! But the downside is that I spent 200 odd on that, a pair of street soccer shoes and a pair of Havanas flip flops. I'm officially broke for the rest of the month.
I was back at Zhonghua today and it felt different. I don't feel like a CI and the unit doesn't feel like it was back then. I always thought one day I would return as a Honorary Officer. But I doubt so anymore. I just hope that they'll do fantastic for the Campcraft Competition next year, then I'll prolly never return after that.
Today almost turned out really differently. But well, there are still too many issues. Too many doubts. And I think someone reminded me of all the hurt today.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:42 pm
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Thursday, July 26, 2007
Its probably been one of the better weeks in camp. It does help that tomorrow is our day off in lieu so I managed to book out tonight. Monday was the TSR test, and I surprised myself by getting full marks when I was just hoping to get a pass. Tuesday was good too, because I managed to do my SOC with a pretty respectable timing. Wednesday was IPPT trial test and I managed a Silver, setting my personal bests in chin-ups and 2.4. We also had the chance to play soccer in the evening. Today, for the first time in history,
I passed my SOC with a timing of 9 minutes and 28 seconds!
I was just so shagged at the end of it, yet the feeling was just incredible. I've never passed before, and the taste of succeeding for the first time was indeed sweet.
I'm off to Queensway tomorrow to get a new pair of Asics and soccer shoes. =)
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:19 pm
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Sunday, July 22, 2007
Friday in camp gave me a glimpse of what's to come, and its not pretty. I have 4 lung-bursting days of exercise coming up before we get a very much well-deserved OFF on Friday. Sweet. Its been a busy weekend, since Friday when I arrived home. The church members were here and they didn't leave till quite late. Its always nice to know that my church members are always supportive of my family, and care for us. Whether its my dad going overseas, my mum being in hospital, or even encouraging and congratulating others for good results and all. Saturday was spent rushing from one place to another. From Giant at 8 to soccer at 10. Where I saw you walk with someone to the mrt. To shopping at Orchard and finally Yibin's 21st at 6. I badly wanted to get something from Banana Republic, but as much as their apparel and accessories look absolutely stylish, they come with price tags I can't afford.
Anyway, I would like to dedicate this last part of the post to the Quiz Competition teams of ZHSNP. All of you have done the unit very proud. I'm positively certain that this is our best result till date. Your efforts have paid off and I'm sure all of the instructors are extremely proud of each one of you. Keep it up!
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:47 pm
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Saturday, July 21, 2007
Its been one year since that special day isn't it, although we've been apart for almost 2 months now. For myself, it has been a difficult period, waking up everyday realising you're no longer there. Finishing a long day in camp, without anyone to call. Sometimes going to places and remembering the last time I was there, you were there with me. I can't remember when was the last time we had a special time to ourselves, or the last phone call before we started quarreling everyday. I wait every week for Friday, happy to read that you're doing okay, and to see that beautiful smile on the few pictures you post.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
I miss the time when we studied together at Coffee Bean, although studying was the last thing on my mind.
I miss the both of us watching The Lakehouse together, and leaving the cinema confused about the show.
I miss the times when I met you after school to study at a certain Macdonalds.
I miss the eve of National Day when we were among the thousands of Singaporeans watching fireworks.
I miss the bus rides home, including the one after the fireworks when we were stuck at Marina for an hour.
I miss the days when I could message you after my tuition ended.
I miss the times when I could hold your hand.
I miss a certain bus 81.
I miss the moments spent at Punggol Park even before and during the midst of my A Levels.
I miss that special night spent at Esplanade although you were sick.
I miss the movie outings we had, when we had free tickets to any show we wanted to watch.
I miss the time we went fishing together, and you caught a huge stone fish and the rod bended inwards.
I miss the day you and my family sent me off at Pulau Tekong as I embarked on a new phase of my life.
I miss Christmas Eve and Christmas, seeing you after a 9 day absence.
I miss new year's day when you stayed over and my baby cousins came over the next day.
I miss calling you from camp, complaining about how everything is so screwed and how I wished to be home.
I miss reading your private blog.
I miss the times when we went shopping at Marina Square and Suntec.
I miss the hugs you gave me on the escalator.
I miss the dinners you had with my family.
I miss watching soccer matches together, either at the prata house or at my place, arguing whether Liverpool or Manchester was better.
I miss the time you celebrated my birthday and even my Ah Ma's bday.
I miss calling you my baby.
But most of all,
I miss your smile, your laughter. And the way you made me smile, and made me feel loved.
When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you.
When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too.
When you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok.
Everything that I do reminds me of you.
I miss you.
If only you knew how much I loved you right from the start. If only you knew I had let go of my previous relationship. If only you knew I was serious about you, about us. If only you knew exactly how much you meant to me. Then maybe everything wouldn't have happened. If only...
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
12:00 am
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Sunday, July 15, 2007
A friend remarked to me last night over MSN that I seemed bleak. And I thought it was just so apt. I'm presently at this stage where few things seem to be going right for me, and every step I take leads downwards. I think its really gotten to a point when I am used to criticism and all. I had more than my fair share of vulgarities used on me over the past 2 weeks in camp. I'm not that technically gifted, and don't learn the ropes of handling equipment as quickly as I would love to. I haven't been able to ace my IPPT as I did when I was at SISPEC, and the Gold I hoped to achieve seems much further away. SOC has definitely improved, although the phobia remains, but I guess if I continue working at it, one day I'll be fine. Waking up everyday is like waking up to a new nightmare, and I wonder when this cycle is ever going to end.
It hasn't helped that so much has happened over the past month. In small ways you've become a part of my life, sometimes I still do wonder why you aren't there. Days like Sunday when you used to be sitting at the dining table with us. I wonder if you know that Huang Hui still remembers you. Just that night, I dreamt about you, and everything seemed so real. Why is it so difficult to give up, let go and move on. I really don't know.
In other aspects, I didn't get any scholarships as I expected. It would have been great to get one, but I know full well the competition I was up against. For the first time in my life, I really wished I could go back to school. I cannot emphasize how eager I am for university to start.
But through these all, I think I recognise that I haven't grown closer to God, still trusting in my own abilities to manage my life. My spiritual life has been far from ideal as well, so it would be something else to work hard on.
Its back to another week in camp.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
4:08 pm
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Saturday, July 14, 2007
Last week, I asked to have a soccer game organised, but I failed to turn up. And this week, I promptly got left out. Maybe I shouldn't be too surprised afterall. As much as I failed to turn up last week, did anyone know why. I was ready to leave my house at 9, but it was raining, and I was told to wait for an hour. To see if the sky cleared up. I waited that hour before finally dozing off in bed, waking up to find 3 missed calls and messages asking me to turn up for the session. Did I not wake up on time to go. Did I not wait the time I was told to. And honestly, even if it was my fault, I really wished you people would just give me a break. Who is the only person punctual at every single soccer game. And as much as I bitch about your late comings from time to time, I still get on with it. And still continue to arrive punctually even though everyone will be half an hour late.
Sometimes, I just wished people would give me a break, and consider the effort I did put in, and pardon me for the mistakes I make from time to time. I'm human afterall.
It was actually a pretty fun day, but that spoiled everything I guess. I'll be back blogging here, because that template is too fugly for my liking.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:04 pm
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