joie de viv-re

Friday, June 30, 2006

More than a earfull.

Today seemed to be headed into one of those good day categories. The examination and everything to do with studies was more or less out of my mind. Slacked the morning away, then went to join my team for soccer at the CC. And the chance and shot at redeeming myself was delivered straight way. The exact team that we had played back in May. But it started off as a disaster. With less than 5 minutes on the clock, I hit my clearance straight at the opponent's best player. And he promptly took the ball and put one past our goalkeeper. I began to fear that history would repeat itself, and if it did, I really doubt if I would be able to pick myself up and face my teammates again. But thankfully, it worked out. Not totally ideal, but I did play on a level that I believe I should be at. There were still the lack of sharpness and collectedness when sensing passes and making them. The lack of fitness and stamina to chase down opponents whilst contributing to the attack. The poor touches on the ball and so much more. But I would rather look on the more positive side. I managed to hold the ball much longer, try a run at my marker and shoot a number of times. There is definitely room for improvement. But I suppose I did get the confidence boost I needed.

Moreover, I think our team really has alot of potential to go the distance. We have some great individuals who can change the course of the game with a delicate pass, a determined challenge for the ball, a penetrating dribble and astute defending. But before we can get there. We do need out to iron the niggling confusion over duties. Need to look up more and play passes much more than we do now. Yes, there is so much that we can do. But as for myself, I think I will try to sort my own game out more. I am not there yet, but I will be.

Anyway, as much as the soccer game was quite pleasing. It is the very reason why I am blogging now. I was supposed to go out and meet the team to catch the Argentina-Germany game at Plaza Singapura. I was determined to not watch the game online, but on a proper screen. And we were to cab back to Jason's house after the game. Alas, it was not to be.

I had washed up and changed, styled my hair and all. Then a seemingly routine phone call came. And I was promptly blasted over the phone for the next 5 minutes. My dad was really furious that I had left my sister at home alone and gone out for soccer. The rationale being that the television repairman was coming over to fix the television, and my sister should not be left alone to fend for herself. But I had neglected what he had told me to do, just to play soccer. And he was literally screaming at me through the mouthpiece of his hands-free set. And when he finally rang off after the 5 minutes, I thought that I had at least some respite, go watch the game and soon all would be forgotten. Say an apology tomorrow when we meet.

Maybe I was too naiive. But yet again, he rang my handphone, and ordered me back to the house. And my heart just sank. I had pretty much craved to watch the game. And I cannot anymore. Who to blame?

The Samsung television.

Kidding. I totally accept the fact that I was grossly irresponsible in what I did. Compromising my sister's safety for a game of soccer which I could play any other day. But nevertheless, it still hurt not being able to join them. And I think, it was the first time I got screamed at since I-don't-know-how-long-ago. I didn't enjoy it. And I definitely hope it will be the last time I get screamed at by my parents. On a lighter note, I think I have inherited some of my dad's genes in scolding people. Cause he basically scared the shit out of me, even though he was just on the line. I know my dad will never read this, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I hope one day I can make him proud of something I do, and return a portion of all the love he and my mum have showered on me.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
9:41 pm

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World Cup 2006

I don't exactly feel as though the World Cup fever this year has really sunk in. I have watched a couple of matches, all of England's ones. Yet, I don't exactly feel the fervour and excitement of it all. I suppose, its the guilt I feel from watching the games, knowing that in a couple of days my examinations would be starting. But nonetheless, since I am more or less relieved of the burden of the exams. I will indulge in 2 games this weekend. Argentina vs Germany and England vs Portugal. I am pretty bouyed by the fact that I correctly predicted Spain to crash out of the World Cup. When everyone was making a fuss about them playing really well. And I had an enjoyable time telling people yesterday. See, I knew it.

And I have taken another unusual step of predicting that Argentina will defeat Germany tonight. Be it in regular time. Or extra time. Or on penalties. My guess is that Argentina will triumph. Let's see if I get this one right. Then I will go to school on Tuesday with a big smirk on my face. If I don't, I will stop predicting winners and keep to enjoying soccer as it is.

Going for a kickabout later, and I have been dying to play. I have not been my usual self since that game back in May. It haunts me, it really does. Everytime I see an opponent running at me, I sort of get nightmares. Become confused and worrried. And the confidence I had running at defenders is gone. And I really want all the confidence back, the ability to run at defenders, to take a chance with a shot, or whatever. I also suppose its time for me to start training up on my stamina and physical fitness. I am going to train hard, to lay down the ghost of that game.

Anyway, thanks Keyang for sending me the singles of the 2 finalists of American Idol, I am certainly looking forward to Singapore's own version.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:29 am

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

I am back!

Okay, I wasn't exactly gone, but did not have the time to really post something. Anyway, the past few days, since last Saturday, I have really been giving all I had to try to get information into my head. In the words of my brother, I was not mugging. But cramming. Anyway, the bulk of the examinations have passed by. General Paper, Chemistry paper 3, Physics paper 3, Both Mathematics papers. So if I was a diligent student, my examination would have ended by now. But I am not, and thus I will continue my revision. I must state that God has really been merciful to me, because I did not exactly help myself. I left it late, but the questions which came out seemed to be on the dot where I had revised. He has really been there through the toughest and most challenging times of my life, and I thank Him for it. In the next few months, I just hope to put in my best effort. Start to buck up and catch up on the work I have missed out. Its never too late to turn back and start all over again. I will need lots of strength to do it. I'm sorry if some of you cannot understand why I sound so painful when it comes to studies. But I had really never been the study-type. Somehow, God has always been there by my side to pull me through the most crucial of times. Like during my Ordinary Levels. And its high time that I started helping myself. I really appreciate that I can study where I am now, and I must start making the best of this opportunity I have been given.

Right now, I am a little too drained to be thinking. So, I guess its going to be yet another disjointed post. Till my braincells lost to physics and mathematics come back.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:23 pm

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Just 24 hours more. And there will be temporal relief. Just a note, comment moderation has been switched off.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:52 pm

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Its amazing what a good paper can do to flagging confidence and downtrodden spirits. Now its time to study hard to ensure that bad results for Mathmatics and Physics do not become atrocious ones.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
3:57 pm

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Monday, June 26, 2006

The consequences of not studying.

Days of initial happiness.
Beginning of worry.
Growing frustration.
A couple of late nights.
2 days of frenzied studying.
Desperation during the examination.
Deep regrets after that.

Now, I appreciate better what the June study break was for. But its gone.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:29 pm

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Saturday, June 24, 2006

When I did not realise about the moderation of comments. There were comments waiting to be authorised. Now that I found out about it. There has not been a single one. As I had mentioned in an earlier post, the ironies of life.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:35 pm

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Friday, June 23, 2006

I just wish for 17 November.

That's the date when my Advanced Level examinations will be all over. When I can sigh a huge relief, well, at least until the results are due to be out. The situation I am in now is almost beginning to be one of despair. I am worried sick that I am going to flunk my Middle Year Examination. But, I just will have to accept the consequences of my decisions. For being unmotivated for one and a half years. For being undetermined, and undiligent. And hopefully, this experience will scare me into studying much harder after this exam ends.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
6:47 pm

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Meryl and Jasmine!

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
9:00 pm

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Friday, June 16, 2006

Argentina!

Apparently, the team I predicted to take the World Cup home is living up to its hype. Qualifying in fine style with 2 victories despite being placed in the group of death. Go Argentina!

Although I suppose I will always still be a bigger England fan. But their 2 games have been nothing short of disappointing. I believe that England's problem is not about tactics or whatsoever. Its more about determination, and the hunger to win. Sadly, I don't think I saw any of it over the past 2 games.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:03 pm

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

I'm so sorry!

I just found out that the comments posted by some of you had to be approved by me first. I thought they worked in the same way as a tagboard, once posted, it would appear at once. And to my dismay, no one seemed to have ever used the comments. Till some bugger wanted her comments to be seen. And promptly asked me to approve them, that I actually realised how this system worked. So sorry once again for not replying to any of the comments posted, but I will do so from now on!

Anyway, I decided to do a little tribute to one of the outgoing NCOs. She may not have attained the highest rank, or the most prestigious badge. Or getting awards such as Colours. But I really appreciate everything she has done for the unit, and respect her as a person. What she has done in the past 6 months have been nothing short of amazing. Despite her reluctance to take up the post, I think she surpassed all expectations we had. Dutifully working on the Secondary 1s even as they slowly adapted into our system of doing things. Moreover, she managed to sustain an almost perfect attendance record, something I myself have never acheived in this unit. It is really rare that someone meets up to the expectations I have for them. But I think she surpassed them. And really moulded our concept of what a Squad Commander should be doing. And I hope that one day she will be back to contribute even more, and lead the unit on to greater heights.

So ester, thanks for being such a tremendous servant leader, and happy birthday! Hope you enjoy it. =)

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:38 am

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The right thing for the right time.

I was just thinking about how many things in life seemed lined up at the wrong time. I always hear adults complaining about how difficult adulthood is and going for work almost becomes a journey to hell. And the student whine about how examinations and all are killing them, when adults on the other hand claim they would love to give up their jobs and study once again. Maybe, when we are young. We should start our lives by working. Then we can better appreciate it when the time for studying comes.

Don't you find it weird. That all of us study and work so hard. Because we hope to be able to find good jobs that pay us handsomely. Essentially, we work for the money. But the ironic part is that how many people, in the twilight years of their lives actually spend that money they have worked so hard to accumulate. Should we not be the most wealthy when we are young, and there are a thousand and one things we wish to buy.

Maybe, we should begin life suffering from certain health problems. So that when we grow up, we know better to watch our diet and mind those fast food and instant noodles.

And as usual. I was thinking about NPCC. And how ironic it is that when we hit secondary 3 and 4, we assume leadership roles in the unit. And the heaviest burden in our 4 years in the cca comes when our academic workload is at its maximum. Shouldn't the secondary ones be the leaders of the unit. Especially since they are enjoying the honeymoon year of secondary education, and they essentially have the most time and energy to provide their full commitment. When we are still cadets, we cannot wait for the time when we will become NCOs. But when we end our NCO life. We look back with digust at how shitty it was.

I suppose, many of us do not appreciate the things we possess at present. When we are young. We wish to grow up quickly. And when we grow old. We hope to once again relive the care-free days of our youth. And everything in this life seems to have been placed at the wrong location of our timeline.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
12:30 am

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Monday, June 12, 2006

Learning to be indepedent.

With mum staying at my grandmother's house for approximately 3 weeks, my sis and I have been trying to upkeep the house. And I suppose during the past week, I have done more chores than I have done from the start of the year to date. And there has been a renewed sense of motivation and urgency to get things done. In the hope that my mother would not need to worry about us. The dishes are washed up as soon as they are placed in the sink. The floor moped once a while. The toilets cleaned and dried. The meals sometimes cooked, sometimes bought. I guess, its only when we are thrown and left on our own without help, that we will greater appreciate what we previously had. I learnt to complain less about the food, because I finally understand how painstakingly it was prepared. Not that I enjoy it, but I keep my mouth shut and just get on with eating it. Right now, there are absolutely no quarrels about household duties. We do what we believe needs to be done. No pushing and sidestepping. No procastination. I think mum would be pretty proud of us if she had installed a 24 hour webcam in the house.

I just hope she will be fine. The constant stream of visitors even up till yesterday have been around to cheer her up, although she does get moody sometimes. Because the number of things she can do now are limited and it has been really frustrating. For myself, it has been really painful to try to get myself to study for the middle year examinations. Sometimes I just dread seeing the endless piles of papers and books lined up for my revision and practice. Whilst the World Cup is on, I cannot even feel it. Because I cannot spare the time to find a place to watch the games. Just hoping to catch England's games and more so hoping that they will actually play well. I really need lots of strength to pull through the next 6 months. I have never been a study person, not even during the Ordinary Levels. And with a much wider and deeper syllabus to cover this time round, I will need to muster all the motivation, determination and perseverance.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:03 pm

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

I will always cherish the wonderful memories given to me by the unit.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:43 pm

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Vote for jasmine! The number is SIX.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
9:30 pm

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Sharing our pains.

Went down for LMSC today. And as much as I thought the coordinators of the course did a fantastic job, I would say that I am the ultra conservative kind of person. And I do not believe that these kind of courses would acheive the goals it set out to attain. But, I must say that it was pretty enjoyable. The cadets seemed to be enjoying the course, which I suppose is a good sign. The instructors then went for lunch. Where we spent quite a fair bit of time sharing our problems and difficulties we face. I guess being an instructor has always been a challenge. A tall one. Balancing school work and leisure time with going and commiting to NPCC. Managing cadets whilst trying to bring out the best in them and fulfill their immense potential. And trying to maintain healthy working relationships with other instructors. And officers. Yes, it is that difficult. And I was lamenting the regrets that I have. That leaving after one and a half years in the unit. I believe I could have acheived much more.

And its disappointing that I will be leaving with so much I think I could have done. So much I wish I could have fulfilled. And I do recognise that whether I come back in future. It will never be the same. Because what we have in the unit now is such an amazing group of cadets. And together with the instructors. They can absolutely bring the unit to greater heights. Alas, I never seized the opportunity that Cadet Inspectorship presented me.

The rest of the instructors were sharing about their problems and troubles. And I guess coming into an organisation such as NPCC was never going to be easy. And sometimes before we make a commitment, we do not appreciate the responsibilities that come with the rank. But it was nice to be able to share our problems with each other. With people who have gone through the same kind of shit, and understand what passion is all about. And even shared many laughs. Thinking of how our children would be brought up. Like falling in at 6am for flag raising. And doing night sentry. It sounded so dumb, yet humourous. And it would be so amazing, if in ten years time I can look back on my one and a half years as a Cadet Inspector. And just reminiscence so many wonderful memories. And just knowing how each other are doing in life. And recall back on a time. When we would yell at cadets during ATCs. And so much more.

Ah, I would give so much if I could relive this entire experience.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:20 pm

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Sunday, June 04, 2006

Will I be able to make the cut.

Was browsing through some of the blogs that belong to my former Cadet Inspectors and Cadet Inspector Instructors. And their commissioning parade is on this coming saturday. And its pretty amazing that among the select number of CIs who have taken me before, almost all have gone on to prove their mettle at a higher level in the SAF. And sometimes, I just feel the unspoken pressure that when I enlist next year, I will have to meet up to the expectations set. With so many of them becoming officers, I do not want to be the odd one out. The one who supposedly cannot make the cut. And I know that it is THAT difficult. Out of a platoon of 50, maybe 3 or 4 go through to be trained. And of those who are selected to train as Officer Cadets, some drop by the wayside. I wonder if I will be able to make it. I just hope I can.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:50 pm

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Saturday, June 03, 2006

Road to recovery.

Today marks the third day since Mum's operation, and she finally could be allowed to stand up and move around. It was nice to see her laughing with us and all. The support she received from my relatives and church members has been nothing short of amazing. And, I truly believe that God has played a huge role in it. The visits have been arranged in such a way that when a family pops by, after they leave, another would arrive to keep my mum company. And with so many people bothering to take time to come and visit he, I think my family would be forever grateful. For helping us to tide through a difficult time. It been a trial for my mum, everyday when we vacate her hospital room at nine to ten. The feeling must have sucked. I have been warded before. And sometimes, the loneliness just eats into you. The entire place just brings you down. Tonight, with her change of room, my sis decided to sacrifice and stay over with my mum, and to provide her with the company and moral support. And I am really looking forward to having mum back at home. To nag at me to stop using the computer. Cook for us, although I don't always enjoy her food. But there is nothing in this world that can replace the warmth and love which only a family can provide.

Anyway, my mum is staying at Mount Alvernia, the hospital opposite Macritchie Reservoir. And I tell you. That hospital is great. The nurses and staff there are so much more polite and reassuring. The hospital is fully airconditioned. And they have facilities such as sofas to ensure that the visitors can feel comfortable. What's more, they have selected cable channels such as ESPN and HBO. Without the conventional hospital bed, one would probably have mistaken the place for a Hotel. I guess, when one is sick, it would be really nice to at least have a comfortable and homely environment to stay in.

Anyway, a short note of appreciation to those who have kindly asked about my mum and how's she is doing. =)

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:04 pm

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Thank God mum's fine.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
6:49 pm

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