Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Mum's going in tomorrow. I trust that everything will be fine.


When I grow up. I would like to have children. Because I want to learn how to love like my parents loved me.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:58 pm


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Tuesday, May 30, 2006


And it just seems to get worse.


This morning my mum went for her consultation with a doctor, seeking advice on what she should do. She will have to go for an operation this Thursday. I really wished it could have gone otherwise. Nevertheless, after this operation goes through, she would have one huge load off her back. A medical problem she has nursed for a couple of years, I guess she should not delay treatment. I suppose when she leaves the house come Thursday, she isn't coming back for at least a month. And coincidentally, it is when I will be preparing for the Middle Year Examinations. I just hope I can pull through. It is going to be tough, considering the number of topics I have planned to revise per day. And I will have to juggle that while visiting my mum both in hospital and grandmum's house.


Please help me. I really need it.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:21 pm


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Monday, May 29, 2006


My pillar of strength.


Went for the pre-enlistment medical checkup today over at CMPB. And I must say that I was pleasantly surprised that most of the people there were not rude and impatient, considering most of us were walking around like zombies not knowing what exactly to do or where to go. The aplitude test was especially frustrating, having to stare at the computer screen for 2 solid hours trying to solve arithmetic, physics, puzzles etc. Anyway, with me being underweight, I got a PES B. But the entire experience was that bit more pleasant.


Came back to some bad news. Because my mum's medical problem I mentioned some time back in March had a recurrence. She had wanted to take some time to do strengthening exercises, but with the pain coming back. She is going to seek consultation tomorrow. And we are all extremely worried for her. She too, is understandably worried. She will probably have to go through a surgery, which isn't the most comfortable thing to go through. And she might have to be away from the family for 2 weeks should she go for it. I am just praying that she will be fine. My mother has always been my source of emotional and mental support. A pillar of strength to my family. I hope that she will be able to find the same kind of strength and hope in Jesus.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
9:36 pm


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Sunday, May 28, 2006


Irresponsible. Incompetent. Why are they here.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:48 pm


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I am so pissed off! I think I better not say anything, lest I say something wrong.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
6:33 pm


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Thursday, May 25, 2006


Where legends are born.


Was watching the finale performances for American Idol last night. And on came an advertisement for the upcoming World Cup. And the tagline was Where legends are born. And of course the 2 final performances from Katharine and Taylor were beautiful. These people are living their dream. The many players who will go to the World Cup. The people who join these competitions hoping to fulfill a lifelong dream. I once dreamt of playing soccer competitively. But it will always remain a dream and nothing more, because I never dared and tried to pursue it.


I wish I could leave the education system that is Singapore's. But deep down I know that I have simply not studied hard enough. And I am just trying to run away from it.


If you have the video/audio file for Taylor's "Do you make me proud" or Katharine's "My destiny", please be very nice and send it to me.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
6:39 pm


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Monday, May 22, 2006


Unbelievable.


So, approximately one month after the first meeting commenced, the cycle that is ATC for this year has ended. But it was a terrible experience, the standard of cadets there was erm. Disappointing at the very least, and made my blood boil at the most. But well, every experience is one to learn from. Since I would have more negative comments than positive ones, I would rather keep them to myself.


Unbelievable- Craig David

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

[Chorus]
It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

[Chorus]

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.
Ohh yeah, break down and cry.

[Chorus]

Now I see, what love means

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
6:55 pm


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Thursday, May 18, 2006


Lost all belief.


I was totally lost today. The effects of the match and post match happenings are more or less stuck in my mind. And I am pretty much depressed because of it. I had been looking forward to the game. Organised with the other team, brought in players to meet the quota of 9. Just for everything to end with a bad day. It was a bitter pill to swallow.


The anger and frustration from the match yesterday turned more into a reflection of my own character and behaviour today. And I know I was wrong and wished I had not said many things in the a moment of anger. For questioning his friendship. I am truly sorry.


But nevertheless, I will stick with my decision to stop playing competitive matches. Its bad enough not to be able to contribute effectively. And horror, instead dragging the team down with me. I supposed, I will never want myself to be a burden to others, if I could help it. To my team's captain. Who asked me not to give up on the team. Its not me giving up on the team, because I am in no position to. Basically, I have given up on myself. I have lost the ability to play, if I ever had one. Or maybe, I was just deceiving myself into thinking I played well. Yesterday was disappointing to say the least, but it was a good reality check. And if I am not up to the mark, I don't want to pull a team down.


I'm sorry to my captain and the entire team for letting you guys down.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
8:46 pm


(1) comments

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


A burden off my shoulders.


With the final Physics SPA done today, I guess we can heave a sigh of relief. The last and final practical will be next Friday. And I have more or less revised through it, so it will just take a little brushing up to hopefully perfect it. And once that's done. Goodbye to SPA. It's a flawed system- a system which promised much in term of ideal situations, yet turned out much less ideal. I think the same could be said of Project Work. The objectives are noble. But the actual happenings anything but it.


It was nice to get back the results for my Physics and Chemistry class assessments. And in my opinion. I did surprise myself. Obviously my result does not put in very high up in class positions. But it is definitely a small encouragement and motivation forme to continue to study. It is pretty scary and worrying the amount of content we have to study. But I will just have to make the best of what i have, and hopefully. That would be enough to get me into say Architecture?


There are times when I do wonder where would I be in ten years time. What job would I be in. Should i join the Civil Service, be it with the armed forces or as a teacher. Or got out to experience the less protected private sector. But for now, I shall try to concentrate and grinding out some results before thinking too far ahead.


Our game is tommorrow. i just hope everything goes fine. Then its the Champions League Final.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
5:58 pm


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Monday, May 15, 2006


And they just had to clash.


With our match coming up in 2 days time. Something just had to crop up. Like having to support my school in the Volleyball finals. Alas, I don't think I am going to let myself miss this game. I want to play a proper match badly. I just hope nothing stops us. Not the rain. Not the security guards. Not my school. Or whatever. Just let me play. Wednesday. Zhonghua field. 3.30pm. We shall be victorious. The way I am talking about this game. Is as though it is like what. Some cup final or something.


I cannot wait to say goodbye to SPA.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:57 pm


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Sunday, May 14, 2006


The more I know. The more I realise I don't know.


Going into a Junior College has been a time when I finally experience what is meant by examination stress. And I can totally feel the nerves everytime I go in. And unlike many others, I have never really experience this before. Not even during my Ordinary Levels examination. And I guess i have come to the conclusion. That it is precisely because I have studied more, that I know that I do not know enough. Essentially, the more I learn, the more I need to learn. Okay, if this is getting too confusing, I understand. Because I am pretty much confusing myself as well.

I am currently struggling with my Complex Numbers tutorial. I thought I knew. Apparently, not very well. I am desperate to do well for this set of class and lecture tests. I need to bounce back, and give myself small successes to encourage myself to go that bit further. To push myself harder. To strive more determinedly.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:02 pm


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Saturday, May 13, 2006


Feel the love.


Was having a family gathering today, a small celebration for Mother's Day. So we were once again at Bedok North, where the barbequed stingray and sotong is second to none. Add that to deliciously spicy kang kong and clams. The result? An entirely satisfying meal. It was so much better than the steamboat dinner we had last night at Marina South. It was in excess of twenty bucks per person, and I came away filling so full. Yet being abdament that i would never return again.


Anyway, back from the digression. This post is not about food. Rather, we were in the company of our favourite cousins. The 2 baby cousins whom I love and cherish so much. For the older girl, who is three and a half year old. Her name was a partial suggestion from me. And other than her parents, I was the first to carry her in my arms- when she was not even a day old. And being the youngest in my maternal family has its perks. Because everyone, absolutely everyone showers their love on them. I guess they can possibly look forward to many gifts when the rest of us start working. And they have been blessed with 2 great domestic helps who are mothers themselves and know all about children. The result is evident, the both of them are extremely secure kids. And with Mother's Day looming tomorrow. Now would be the best moment for me to appreciate what my mother has done for me. No gift could ever repay.


Next week is packed to the brim. Thankfully, my mathematics test and SPA would have ended by Tuesday, so I will be allowed to enjoy with the stress relieved, at least for a week. Wednesday. Barcelona against Arsenal in the Champions League final in the wee hours of the morning. It is the final neutrals would have wished for. Both teams epitomise what beautiful football is all about, and there can be no better preview for the upcoming World Cup Finals than this game. The sheer brilliance of Ronaldinho versus the finesse of Henry. I cannot wait.


Then fastforward a few hours later. We have a game against a team from Zhonghua. I have seen them play before, and I am not too sure how highly we should estimate them. But personally, I guess I will approach the game with a good confidence level. And it would be nice to get a win and obtain the bragging rights. Jonatons would not have anything more to say. But more importantly, I just want to enjoy a game of soccer. No tauntrums. No ugly play. Just good, old fashioned sportsmanship. Please don't rain.


Then of course, there is the Adventure Training Camp. Which i guess, I cannot comment about. Lest I let in too much, though I can assure you i have no idea what's going on this year. Not too sure why I even agreed to go this year, but camps are a tad more interesting. So it would be fine with me just being there to observe from a side.


Alright. Till the next time when i can find something more interesting to blog about. I hope this blog doesn't go dead, because life is so boring. I would rather not bore everyone out. Take care.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:19 pm


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Thursday, May 11, 2006


Even if you cannot hear my voice. I will be right beside you dear.


My title was taken from the lyrics of the song Run by Snow Patrol. I am not too sure how long it has ago since its release. But it is a beautiful song. Although I thought the singer was slurring a little bit. Nevertheless, I guess it would be so sweet to whisper those words into the ears of the one you loved.


Anyway. I finally had a good game of soccer today. No, I did not play that well. Nor did I score many goals. But it allowed me to relax. Afterall, do I not play soccer for leisure. I guess some of my teammates need to get that. No one wakes up at 7 on a Saturday morning. Travels for 45 minutes, arrives earlier than anyone else. Just to get scolded because he made mistakes. Yes, it is important to play well. But I believe that trying is good enough. I'm sorry that I am starting to sound pissed. But almost every game we play is always marred by someone losing their temper. And I never face that when I play in college. We may not be as skillful. Or tactically sound. But we know is meant by playing with joy.


I have been extremely moody these couple of days. And all it takes sometimes is just one ill-timed comment for me to blow. The stress of tests and assessments coming my way is overwhelming.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
8:38 pm


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Wednesday, May 10, 2006


The pride of being Singaporean.


The General Elections, has been an extremely interesting time, this being the first time I actually took notice of it. When parties strategise and promise. Trying to sway voters towards them. And as much as I am have lots of personal opinions, I would rather not record them down. For I have no idea what are the legal boundaries, and the last thing I would like to begin my life with would be legal action. But what prompted my title today was more of something I did during General Paper lesson today.


We were asked to write an essay, from a list of topics, all of which were related to Singapore. And I settled on this question which went along the lines of "Singaporeans are driven to be the best in everything we do. Is this good?" And so, I went on to list the achievements of Singapore in the 4 decades since our independence. And we have come so far. And as I told my classmates, for that moment, I felt so proud to be a Singaporean. I mean, just look at the people in the world suffering. From poverty and hunger, and here in Singapore. When have we gone without a meal. When do we not have a comfortable bed to lie down on. But we complain. When we have to stand in the sun during fire drills. I feel totally embarrassed. Because God has given me so much, yet I never fail to ask for more. And lack contentment, and, gasp. Gratitude and appreciation.


Sometimes, I think that I need to pause for a moment. And just thank God for every blessing.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:38 pm


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Sunday, May 07, 2006


Kaleidoscope of dreams- My time in Zhonghua NPCC Unit


Lead with pride, serve with passion.


On May the 7th of every year, cadets and officers of the National Police Cadet Corps commemorate the founding of NPCC. This year was no different, with the annual parade being held at the new Home Team Academy almost 2 weeks back. The theme was, “Lead with Pride, Serve with Passion”. And as much as I played no part in that parade, I hope that my time as a Cadet Inspector in Zhonghua NPCC Unit could be summarised by that simple yet powerful phrase.


With my graduation from an NCO, I finally received the long-awaited email gauging our interest in becoming an instructor of the unit. At that point of time, my heart was already certain. I knew I wanted to prolong my service in the unit; it was only a matter of whether the unit wanted me back. However, what I never knew was the kind of responsibility an instructor held. How different the roles of an instructor and an NCO are. And despite going through the Cadet Inspector Basic Training Course in December 2004, I never really knew the difference. I was back in the unit, with a higher rank and much more power. But I had not grown into the role of becoming an instructor of the unit.


And I suffered.


The first major task I took on was the March camp, a first for our unit. We would be taking the cadets out of school, out of our comfort zone. It was a mere 24 hour-long camp, but the kind of emotional torture I went through was simply disheartening. The number of proposals that were brought up and turned down. The many reece we embarked on, to determine the sleeping and campsite areas, finding the nearest shelters and toilets. Thinking up suitable activities and delegating duties. Ah, what a handful it was. The meetings with senior instructors were absolutely discouraging. For they knew where we were going wrong, but our inexperience simply showed. The camp went fine, but the many mistakes were not lost on the teachers and instructors.


During our camp debrief, I was taught one of the harshest lessons in my life. With everyone taking turns to point out the many faults made both in the planning process and the actual execution. At the end, I just broke down. And teared in front of the entire instructor team. It was just too degrading for my ego to take. However, the planning and conclusion of that camp helped me grow into a true instructor. It was the harshest lesson I learnt, but it was the best.


Then came the departure of Weihao Sir. He was the instructor and person I wanted to grow to be. He brought the unit so far, and I would give so much just to be able to emulate what he has done for the unit. He will always remain so highly regarded and respected in the unit for what he has achieved. With his departure, signaled the start of the 4 of us taking on the entire burden of managing the unit.


And I really could not have a better team helping me. We certainly struggled and felt the disappointments and discouragements at times, but we pulled through. With the Advanced Level examinations approaching, 3 of us have left, and only Guo Hwee remain. And he has been such a great buddy and help. To always be there to provide me with the necessary assistance. And to be a true friend. Moreover, he has always shown to be such a great instructor, there is just so much I could have learnt from him.


The year of 2005 ended with many regrets for me. I may have done a lot which other instructors may never get the chance to. Such as coordinating 2 school camps and an Adventure Training Camp. But deep inside, I regretted. I felt that I could have done much more. That I could have contributed and propelled the unit much further. With the release of UOPA Competition 2006, I determined within myself to make my last 5 months in the unit count.


My goal in the 5 months was going to be simple: Lead with pride and serve with passion.


Campcraft trainings were especially enjoyable. It took us away from our usual trainings. When cadets and instructors could share a closer bond. Moreover, the year started off on a great note with a great recruitment drive, made possible by the efforts of the NCOs and cadets. We garnered the greatest response and interest in the school, for the first time in our recent history.


Then came the Campcraft Competition Preliminaries and Finals. The many lessons we learnt. The shared experiences. The joy. The pain. The hope. What event could have a greater impact on a cadet’s life.


Next up was our Annual Camp. The water games. Floorball competition. Supper outside school. Dragonboating. It was definitely a great time. The unit has indeed come a long way, and we can only get better.


For me, my instructor life ended on an absolute high. The cadets in the unit share a bond stronger than ever. We have cadets who can differentiate training from fun. And I certainly hope the unit will always continue with its proud tradition. Not necessarily the top in drill or campcraft and even UOPA rankings for that matter. But we will always nurture and develop golden cadets.


They will always reserve a special place in my memory.


The innocent and cute secondary ones.


The secondary twos who learnt so quickly.


The secondary threes who always livened up the mood.


The graduating NCOs for every thing they have done.


The instructors who work tirelessly for the unit.


Today, I leave the unit with regrets. I could have achieved more. But I will leave with a sense of joy and happiness. And with bright hope for its future. Afterall, in Zhonghua NPCC Unit, we run a marathon not with our legs, but with our hearts.


My time in Zhonghua NPCC Unit has certainly been a kaleidoscope of dreams, and I am going to miss it.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:28 pm


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Thursday, May 04, 2006


The distance.


With both my chemistry and physics tests over for the time being, I guess, I can take a short break. The pace is relentless, and I don't wish to be lost. I want to last the entire course- and come out with something decent to show for it. Next up is mathematics and the final assessments for SPA.


With NPCC Day Observance tomorrow, I was back in Zhonghua yesterday for the rehersal. Both to settle some administrative stuff and just to take a look. But I came away feeling the difference. I guess, the experience I went through as an Instructor in the unit will never return. No matter how constant the 'visits' or whatsoever. And as much as I have always proclaimed proudly that I would still love to come back to the unit even after I enlist, I am not too sure after yesterday. Sure, there will still be the visits. But i suppose, it possibly won't be something special. The zeal to come down for trainings would probably be gone by then.


For the past few weeks, I have been staying up pretty late. Tossing and turning about while listening to my mp3. And just wondering, where am I headed in future. How would my National Service go. With the distraction from CCA gone- it has been a monotonous 2 weeks. Its either in front of the computer, or with notes. I guess, I do feel abit of the loneliness not being in a relationship. And at times like these, I can't help but feel that I lost the person I really wanted.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
8:17 pm


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Tuesday, May 02, 2006


The fragility of life.


I decided to disrupt my posts on my time back in NPCC, after hearing some tragic news. I had heard about the accident close to 2 weeks back and I went to check out my last copy of the Zhonghua year book, just to see if he was recognisable. And as much as I have pretty much no idea who he is, or even his surname, his face did ring a bell. I had seen him around school before. Coincidentally, I even managed to link to a blog which was providing updates on his condition. And, I just visited it again earlier today. And silently, during my devotions and even this morning, I included him in my prayers.


And it was indeed a little bit of a miniature shock when the unit head told me just a couple of minutes ago that he had passed away. And like I had mentioned last month when I related the passing of my grandaunty, that I am presently at a stage in my life that I am so fearful of death. I can hardly bring myself to consider it. And life is so precious. It is so fragile. It can just be taken away any single moment. Afterall, the flame of every life can just be snuffed out in a single moment.


I wish his family comfort and my deepest condolences.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
7:38 pm


(1) comments

Monday, May 01, 2006


Kaleidoscope of dreams- My time in Zhonghua NPCC Unit


Growing into a leader.


Today when we wreck our brains trying to think what makes a leader, more often than not, we come up empty. When we try to formulate a training programme to groom young ladies and gentleman in the unit to become a leader. Becoming a leader has become the cornerstone of educational policies today. With schools giving “leadership opportunities” to every student. On a personal level, I believe that is utter rubbish. How can someone who collects the physics homework be a leader? Or someone who leads the warm-up session during Physical Education. For a leader to develop, there must be followers, and a leader can never be groomed by giving out worksheets or collecting assignments. Period.


I held the post of Internal Affairs Council Chairman in the first half of the year. It was a new committee, and its duty was to manage the discipline and attendance within the unit. As it was new, the council was left entirely to myself to shape the way it would function in future. Along with this came many privileges. During trainings, I essentially had the freedom given to the Unit Head. I could go wherever I wished, and do whatever I wanted. The red sash, which was slung over my blue uniform, became my pride and joy. What better position could I have attained in the unit.


During the sergeant promotions, I emerged top, being the only distinction. It was such a moment to behold. Walking up the podium to receive the coveted three stripes on behalf of my squad. I had always languished among the bottom few in the squad. It was the first time I felt really proud of myself. That I could achieve something if I put my wholehearted effort into it. The moments of becoming the first ever IAC Chairperson and receiving the sergeant ranks would forever remain as a special part of my memory.


However, together with all these cherished memories were many tainted and painful lessons as well.


I remember my first training as an NCO, probably becoming the first and only NCO to ever hand out a changing parade. And in the duration of the following year, would cement my position in the unit as probably the discipline freak. Contrary to popular belief, I never really enjoyed punishing people, but I strongly believed in its positive outcomes. And I hold fast to this belief up till today. Without discipline being established, nothing, absolutely nothing can be achieved. Looking back on hindsight, my year as a Cadet Inspector has seen a much more mellowed me.


The decision I took to not join the Campcraft Team would always remain a debatable one. For I missed out on being part of a team. But nevertheless, it gave me the perfect opportunity to lead the unit with freedom. And I grabbed the chance with open arms. However, with the freedom came trouble. Because my disciplinary measures went overboard, resulting in so much. Not just in NPCC. It was truly a dark period, going through school daily knowing that everyone saw me in utterly negative light. It was the one time in my NPCC life that I would have just laid down everything and given up. My friends and I became the target of hooliganism during our breaks. The pressure was just overwhelming.


There was the infamous name-calling incident back in September. And with the conclusion of that episode, also marked the end of my dream to one day become the Station Inspector of the unit. The night after the barbeque when I missed out on the first Staff Sergeant promotion. The feeling just sucked. It hurt so badly. I had fought so hard for that, and in a moment of sheer immaturity, I ruined my dreams. I regretted everything I had done in NPCC, and wished I had never got that far. Afterall, the higher we hope, the greater our fall. That could not have been more applicable to me. Alas, I have grown so much from that incident. We are great friends and fellow instructors now.


My year as an NCO was such an eventful one- both for right and wrong reasons. But nevertheless, it was an experience I would never give up. Because, lessons are best learnt when they are painful. It is about how we want to pick ourselves up, and make the best of the situations we have been placed in. That one year moulded me into a leader. On our graduation day, we stood in a row on the parade square. As they announced the postings and promoted the next batch of NCOs. For me, I stood there trying to take everything in, the crests and troughs of that one eventful year. Furthermore, I wondered if it was my last goodbye. It was not to be.


Can leaders be taught? No.


They can only be nurtured through experience.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
11:17 pm


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Name:- Chen Yixiang John
Eggcrack:- 8 April 88
Religion:- Christianity
Denomination:- Bible Presybterian
Vocation:- Armoured Infantry
Email:- yixiangj@gmail.com
Msn:- yixiangj@hotmail.com


Boston
Augustana



When discipline is present, it is evident. It is the precise control of every aspect of one's self. It is the bedrock of success.


Favourite Bible Verses

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, should not perish but have everlasting life.
John 3:16

And we know that all things work together for good to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
1 John 4:8-9

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Galations 5:22-23

For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.
2 Timothy 1:12

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.
2 Timothy 4:7-8


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