Thursday, April 13, 2006
Received the results for Project Work 2005 today. PW really brought out the worst in so many people. Through it you could see who was a friend, and who would not put in any effort, because they knew others would cover up for them. For me, PW was nothing short of a torture. Calling for meetings when everyone would go half hour late. Or better still, not turn up without informing us. When people would not do their allocated part of the work- because they could not be the least bothered. And when the PW cycle ended in November, I heaved a huge sigh of relief, despite fearing the worst for my results.
But all my effort paid off. For I scored a band 1, the highest score in my group. For me, when my result was announced, my initial reaction was one of happiness and relief. Then, it slowly brought back the memories of how I had to endure my groupmates through three-quarters of a year. And then, that happiness and joy turned into the feeling that they absolutely deserved what they got. For the shoddy effort they gave. For making my life so miserable. I would expect that some of you would feel that I am really evil to find joy in the 'failure' of others. But that would only be because you never experienced what I did. And, you would never be able to appreciate my feeling of justice being served. It was sweet.
But, I would have to say that, I do feel sorry for the only female member of my group. For she did put in much effort. But was punished in getting the same grade as the rest. She deserved better. Alas, life is never fair. But for today, I will allow myself to mock privately at the other 3 members who never gave anything.
It was nice to receive some motivation through this result. Having complete knowledge that my results for the Block tests placed me rock bottom in a class of 25. I must work harder. I am where I am because I want to get into a local university. And into a course that will satisfy me. And I will need to be alot more diligent and determined for that to come through.
I guess the results could not have come at a much better time. I was feeling extremely down after going to the wake of lao sim last night. Seeing her lifeless body in the coffin was almost unbearable. The face exactly the same way it was just 2 months ago. It was utterly painful. But, I would never give up the chance to pay my last respects to a person who taught me what love is all about. When I was at the wake, I saw many who seemed to have a different purpose there. Some to share a joke and catch up with each other. To smoke. I did wonder why they were there. For myself, I was there to pay my last respects, to recollect the memories I had of this person. To try to learn, and greter appreciate the value of life. Not to laugh. Or whatever.
And I was just putting myself into the positions of the family members she left behind. Her husband. Children. Her siblings. I really don't know how I would accept death. It scares me. It scares me greatly.
On a lighter note, the Secondary 3 cadets 'celebrated' for me and 2 of their squadmates yesterday. Albeit putting my name down as "blacky john", and the celebration was involved more of pillaring and cake throwing. Left school with my entire body so oily.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
6:31 pm
should change le bah...
sticky john!! also kidding!! don't angry!! don't worry too... yo can also make fun of my name... just my name...
