Saturday, February 25, 2006
Going down for both the Boys and Girls Campcraft Competition Preliminaries, it has been a real eye-opener. And, despite what happened, I am going to be very frank and admit that I went to the competition with high hopes for both teams. And that is the confidence I have in them. And no matter what, this confidence will still remain.
For many of us, today was a setback. Maybe for some, it would count as the greatest setback in their lives to date. And its not difficult to figure out why. Because, they have trained so hard for today. They have trained under the sorching sun. In the rain. Through the school holidays. During the packed school days. And the effort each and every single member of the team put in is nothing short of awesome. And it never fails to amaze me that every person, can be so fiercely committed to their common cause. And that was probably to get into the finals.
And we may have failed to meet our goal. Or our own expectations. And it is definitely disappointing. It hurts deep down. But we must learn how to accept setbacks in our life. Because not everything is going to go in our favour. Neither does that mean that we do not push ourselves hard enough. And do not expect ourselves to acheive in everything we do. Face it, everyone of us sets high expectations for ourselves- it is only whether we make it known.
And when we do face setbacks. We must know how to pick ourselves up, and move on. There would be no use brooding over what has happened. We feel the hurt and disappointment, and we move on after that. Because we can.
To both the Boys' and Girls' Campcraft Competition Teams 2006. I am just so damn proud of all of you.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
8:34 pm
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Thursday, February 23, 2006
I have become so disillusioned with NPCC. Despite putting in so much effort. I never seem to be rewarded. And every normal human being needs some motivation to go on. As mentioned before, I think the people around us make alot of difference. They can make a mediocre journey seem rewarding. Or make it worse than ever. And as a Cadet Inspector, the people around me encompass both cadets and instructors. To my horror, it has become instructors falling below my expectations. Way below. And whilst I fully know that cadets of mine do patronise this blog, I believe that where criticism is due, I will not withhold.
Being instructors mean we should be much more mature. We should have ample amounts of passion as we have decided to commit ourselves to the unit. And the commitment we have made should be until the end. No one ever said an instructor is free to decide when he or she. Would like to leave or stay in the unit. While I see this happening in so many other units. I am totally appalled that my very own unit has moved in the same direction. Maybe they have mistaken, that just because I delegate the duties. It has become me, whom they are working for. Or, that I do a drop less work than them. Because, face it, I do so much more than them. It is just that they do not know. It is just that other people do not know. Its not just because I love NPCC. It is because I take pride in what I do. That I do it to the best of my ability. And that is why when I leave this CCA come June, I will leave with pride. Knowing I never wasted my 2 years here. Because I have learnt so much, which will put myself in good stead in future. Selfishly pushing duties because one has lost interest. Backstabbing because someone else irritates you. But never trying to lend a helping hand. It is simply a reflection of character.
It is not a question of can you. It is a question of will you.
Sadly, it is more than just a person that I am talking about here. If you wish to approach your duties with a "want-don't want" attitude. Please leave. We have no room for people with a lack of commitment. And whose best interest is receiving a testimonial, and not the passion for the unit.
Moving on, on a brighter note, it was 2 amazing games which I got up to watch. Real Madrid versus Arsenal and Chelsea versus Barcelona. And I came away totally satisfied.
Barcelona versus Chelsea was the game which threatened to erupt into fights, but satisfied with the delightful skills on display. From Ronaldinho. To Robben. To the young and brilliant Messi. They simple took my breath away. This is what soccer is about. And I am definitely looking forward to the return game in 2 weeks time.
Arsenal epitomised what fighting spirit is all about. The discipline and determination I had previously talked about. All 11 players on the field fighting for the team. Like their lives depended on that result. And, though I am never an Arsenal fan, I totally felt they took away with them an entirely deserved win. They may not have the most skilful players in the world. But they had players who were committed to the team's cause.
Where there is no commitment, there is as good as nothing.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
8:31 pm
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Sunday, February 19, 2006
I read a letter on the back pages of The Sunday Times today with much interest. It was written by this Secondary 4 guy who claimed he was in NPCC and hated the regimentation of this CCA. He had wanted to quit, but was not allowed to. While I was reading it, I could not help but relate him to the so many cadets over the past few years who have wanted to quit from NPCC in Zhonghua. And while some of them have lost their interest, some simply cannot accept the disciplinary measures which the Unit takes. Despite losing my interest in NPCC when I was in Secondary 2, the thought of quiting never crossed my mind. And that is the exact same reason why I detest people who do so, or try to do so.
Because that is simply the coward's way out. It is totally whimpy.
Not liking something is never the excuse for us not to do something. Not being able to adapt should never be the reason to quit. It just shows how one's character is. When the person cannot even accept discipline. Especially for guys. I hate the sight of a guy crying just because he had to do 15 push-ups. Is he going to National Service in future to cry at any punishments he is going to get. Or the rebellious nature of some cadets. I would simply love to see how they adapt to National Service. When they have to spend 24 hours with their Sergeants. That is why I believe discipline and determination is so important in our lives. We need someone to keep us in track. We need to have the perseverance to go on even when the odds are stacked against us.
With myself enlisting for National Service in just a year's time, I know I will meet with many obstacles I have never experienced before. And with much regimentation, leaving for little personal space. But coming through 4 amazing years in my Unit, I know I am ready to handle what they have to throw at me. And not cry and complain at the slightest injustice done to me. And be unlike so many Junior College guys. Who get angry just because they have to run 3 rounds around the track as punishment.
And for the very same reason, I will stop believing in the purpose of NPCC the day punishments are no longer allowed. Because it was created for the very purpose of training rugged youths, developing them and nurturing them to face harsher realities of their lives in future.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
2:46 pm
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Thursday, February 16, 2006
Tonight was Nanyang Junior College's Annual Talentime Finals. And I was only present because I saw some leftover tickets on Valentine's day and decided to go. And I definitely did not regret. It was one of the best $1 I spent in my life. While not all the singing and performances were great, it was nice to see some ordinary schoolmates become a little extraordinary just for tonight. And the atmosphere was utterly fantastic. For myself, there will be 3 events I will remember for the 2 years I spent in NYJC. Orientation 1, the volleyball finals and tonight. I suppose, I finally understood why people fork out so much money to be present at the concerts of their favourite singers.
And I think something I learnt tonight was the fact that I need to be less judgemental. Sometimes, I overeagerly pass my judgement on people, and silently condemn them immediately. So it would be nice to see myself learning to look at people and difficult situations more objectively and with different perspectives. For me, I always struggle when living my life. Because I always question my behaviour, whether it is in line with the values Christianity preaches. Because I do not want to stumble others, but at some point of time, I have to accept that I definitely have. And that is because Christians, like any other human in this world, is still with sin.
Reading about the gunshot murder was really creepy. Knowing that in a supposed safe and secure nation like this, there is still the chance for security laspses. And what made the entire tale much more freaky was that the murderer dumped his weapon at a bridge 500m from my house. When I peer out of my window, there lies the place that the murder went to. More creepy was the fact that it was in broad daylight. Around 8am yesterday morning. And I think this episode is really important. Many a time, living in a country like Singapore, we forget how privileged we actually are. That we have time to complain over the smallest things. And argue over petty stuff. Without realising that so much has already been taken care of. Like security. Hygiene. Education. Peace and harmony. It is totally amazing how Singapore has progressed in the last 40 years. And I thank God for my country. And I hope that I can grow in appreciation of how so many things can work together for the good of the place I call home.
Maybe my life would be more happy with you around.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
9:58 pm
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Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
8:46 pm
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Monday, February 13, 2006
Going through close to 12 years of education, I have indeed come a long way. From falling asleep on my first day in Primary 1, to falling asleep on yet another day in Junior College. And sometimes, it is so easy to forget that where we are in life is not by chance. We are where we are because it is according to God's plan for our life. And necessarily so, He has placed special people in our lives who have enabled us to get to where we are. One such group of people are teachers.
Lest you start to think that I forgot today is not teachers' day, relax. Because it was going for tuition today that made me treasure my teachers more. And that is the reason why I am here. Because I feel sometimes we forget our teachers and only realise on that one day per year that they are actually special to us. But before you start to think that I love my teachers alot, I don't. Truth is, I dislike many teachers more than I like the few. I feel, many teachers are in their profession just as a career. And they have nothing to offer their students. In short, they teach, for the sake of working. And I have experienced so many teachers, who do not even know their stuff properly, and are ill-prepared to impart knowledge to their students. Teachers who are lazy. Who give assignments but take months to mark them. Sounds familiar? There is just so much I am so bitter about. But lest I get into trouble for revealing too much, I shall discontinue my ranting before I get into disciplinary action.
And they are some special teachers throughout my life who have been so significant. They have played such a huge role in helping me acheive what I have. My primary 6 teacher- the one who built up my foundation in both maths and command of the english language, not forgetting helping to transform my handwriting into a "girl's" standard. My present mathematics and chemistry tuition teachers. For pulling me and pushing me through my O Levels, and continually helping me. The 3 teachers who have had such a great impact on me, I am where I am because of them, and I really thank God for giving me such unique and special people.
And I have more or less set my mind on what I would like as my profession. Either in the defence force. Or, gasp, as a teacher. Funny, but I really hope I can get into Science at NUS. Cause I would like to major in Chemistry. And one day, become a Chemistry teacher. But, that will remain as a dream. Unless I determine within myself to realise it, to work hard enough for it.
Feeling extremely down and pissed off by recent events. Definitely very grumpy, with a short fuse. It is just going to take one wrong comment, and I will blow up.
Definitely very displeased about recent comments made. Before criticising, think clearly about the facts. Experience alone does not give one the right to shoot their mouth off.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
9:15 pm
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Friday, February 10, 2006
I had a pretty long conversation with someone today. And what was revealed within an informal chat over MSN Messenger was possibily one of the most important lessons I learnt for myself in a long time. Although I would have loved to record the details of my conversation, it is definitely a strict no-no. Because I know I will need to reflect back on this, and change as a person. I wish I could make it up to the person I so affected, but it would be too late. And I believe that is a summary of my life so far, peppered with so many grave mistakes along the way. Sometimes I just feel like giving it all up.
But, life is not about not making mistakes. It is about making mistakes, but having the strength to pick ourselves up and never commit the same mistake again.
I suppose, the person concerned is not part of the audience of my blog, and will never know how much that conversation affected me. But I am definitely relieved that we can move on from here, without any misconceptions about each other. Whilst I slowly figure out how I can better improve as a person.
So many aspects of life have not felt much worse than they do now. And it is because of the sin in this world. The presence of sin explains why in life there is so much disappointments. And the only person we know will not disappoint us is not our parents. Nor our friends. They at some point of our life will still make mistakes. Only in Jesus can we find rest. And that is the confidence I have that all that I am going through now, is under His control, at His command and within His will.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
12:18 am
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Monday, February 06, 2006
The chinese new year card which told the sad story.
I grew up in church with 4 close buddies, from 2 different families. They formed such a huge part of my childhood, that till today, I can remember some of the silly things we did. The funny and weird games we played. One of which, was jumping around trying to step on another person's foot. But sadly, one by one, their families left my church. And all contact ceased to exist.
And interestingly, both families suddenly resurfaced in my life. And the last of the 3, being my family. And its just so frightening, how much each family can change over the span of 5 years. It is a tale of 3 families, alas, it is a sad tale.
Family A consisted of 2 boys. The older was adopted. From young they were extremely playful, and were never academically inclined. Their parents sadly, were overly engrossed with increasing their wealth. They both fared poorly in their PSLE, and moved on to mediocre schools to continue their secondary level education. Now, one has dropped out without a O Level certificate, and awaits his enlistment. The younger, took his O Levels, and is trying to pursue an education in anime drawing. While I seem to place an emphasis on just academic qualifications, what saddens me most, is that the family has broken up. I just cannot imagine. An uncle and aunty I used to see together every Sunday. Only communicating to each other through lawyers.
Family B consisted of 1 girl, 1 boy. Likewise, both were our best buddies, and we all hailed from the same primary school. Nothing seemed to go wrong for them. They had fantastic results. Both made it into Raffles. Their dad was a pilot. Could life be any rosier. 5 years on, they still continue to perform excellently on the academic level. However, their dad was struck down with Parkinson's. And his sickness has turned him into a control freak, establishing a dictatorship at home, over his wife and children. And they are suffering. We met up with them. Their lonely faces summed up everything. Where every action is scrutinised by their dad. Every word censored. A visit to the relative's place has to be approved. Yes, the family is intact, but is it not a broken family.
I wish my buddies had it better in life. They never did anything to deserve something like this. They afterall, are only at the tender age of 18. Would I be able to take what they have gone through. Would I still be here, had I been in their shoes. Suffered the pain of it all. I guess that is why I should be ever thankful about the family I have. Where every member plays an active role in maintaining the harmony of the unit, as one. Not just any family unit, but a happy one.
I could not have been given a much better gift could I.
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:43 pm
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Sunday, February 05, 2006
Found this old song by Josh Groban at his official website. It really is a beautiful song. Both the lyrics and the music. These days life has become pretty much mundane. Caught up in a weekly schedule same as any other week. School. Tuition. Npcc. Weekend. School. Tuition. Npcc. Weekend. I am just so sick of my life. I suppose that is the reason why I cannot really be bothered to blog about much. There is nothing much worth talking about.
Maybe, its the lack of success. I have not tasted success in my studies ever since getting my O Level results. The results have gone downhill ever since, and rightly so. Where there is a lack of effort, I do not deserve to be rewarded. Npcc has definitely not seen much more success. While I believe on a personal level I have learnt so much, and grown so much. But my dream of seeing Zhonghua NPCC Unit among the best, still remains a dream. The dream of the elusive gold. Will have to depend on this year.
It would be nice to succeed in something. For starters, the Block Tests after the March holidays. Hopefully I put in enough effort to acheive decent results. Provide myself with some more motivation to continue studying. And of course, I wish to see both the Boys' and Girls' Campcraft Competition Teams pitch at the Finals on 25 March. I have seen them all the way. I believe they can. It would be so sweet, to see them rewarded for their effort, and the unit given a solid standing in the UOPA Competition for 2006.
But most of all. I wish for this void to be filled. The emptiness leading to a lack of purpose and direction in life. The shortage of a person I can go to. Confide in. And make me smile. Maybe its desperation. Maybe its infatuation. Maybe its love. Because you are my forever love.
To Where You Are- Josh Groban
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are my
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Should you wish to listen to this song, go to http://www.joshgroban.com
Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
9:36 pm
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