joie de viv-re

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Of morbid thoughts.

Today I ran the 12 km non-competitive run. It was pretty cool, running on a route which you usually travel on only on car. It was tiring, but it was fun nonetheless. Grabbing cups of water and pouring it over my head to cool my body down, then having the liberty to dump the cups anywhere along the running route. It was almost as though we were professional runners. Hah. We ran on Sheares bridge and Nicoll highway, but it did come at the cost of lots of sleep, and I promptly returned home with a headache after meeting the guys. And stuffing myself during the ala carte Dim Sum buffet we went for.

Over the past week, there have been nights that I stayed awake, slightly scared by the possibility of being in a foreign land for such an extended period. Knowing how homesick I will be, wonder how I will feel when I part with my family at Changi International Airport. And having morbid thoughts of.

What if I never make it home.

Afterall, 3 of them never did in May this year when the plane crashed into the camp. I supposed, that incident would be a one-off. But so many things can happen. And, I wondered if somethings I did, could I have done them for the last time? I guess I'm just getting a little carried away. But if it was really the last time, there would be so many things I regretted doing or not doing.

I would probably regret not spending enough time with my family.
I would probably regret the 2 months I spent apart from you.
I would probably regret the nasty remarks I used on so many people, baby especially.
I would probably regret not being able to make one last visit to see my 2 baby cousins whom I absolutely adore.
I would probably regret not catching up with many friends over the past year.
I would probably regret not buying the tee shirt I saw at Instant Karma.
I would probably regret not eating the Roti John at Simpang Bedok which Lime magazine raved about.
I would probably regret not being able to fellowship with my church members one last time before leaving.

Something I won't probably regret, but will instead definitely regret. Would be taking God so lightly in my life. And only seeking Him when I'm down.

3 days to my departure. More importantly, 36 days till my return!

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
8:21 pm

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