joie de viv-re

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

When frustration boils over.

Being a Cadet Inspector for over 1 year, it has been such a experience. I feel like I learnt more in this short span of a year than I did in four years as a cadet. There is just so much out there, waiting to be learnt, be it in a hard way, or simple manner. But one thing that has always baffled me is people. And is it people who make the journey more endurable or make it much shittier than it actually is. Today, two incidents had me pondering, do I expect too much? Or is it the people that are not up to standard. Maybe to them. It is just but a CCA. To fill up some spare time, and to get some points. Receive a testimonial. To me, it has always been more than that. And, it is always very disappointing when I feel that no one shares the same kind of dream as I do.

Maybe, they share the same dream. But they do not share the same amount of effort and determination to see their dream through.

Then, it is as good as pointless sharing the same dream.

And it is in these moments, that I wonder why I bother to put in so much effort. So many become Cadet Inspectors. But how many actually bother to do as much as I do. Some just come back for the minimal. Do the least required of them. And at the end of the day, we both get the same testimonial. And maybe, it is good that I will leave the Unit soon. Because I feel that it is time that I moved on, to seek something that would reward more for the kind of effort I put in. I guess, at the end of the day, being a Cadet Inspector is all about personal pride. Do you feel proud about what you have acheived.

Sometimes I am caught up in a dilemna. Because I don't know if I should write something on my blog. Knowing that my cadets are reading. My friends are reading. Some people who do not like me are reading. And. Cadets from other schools are reading what I am writing. And it is not very nice to let people know how I feel about my Unit. Or about myself. But at some point of time, I feel that how my audience respond to my posts, is about how mature they are. I do not require them to agree with me, but I would hope that they respond in a manner befitting of mature young adults. Not like some childish people not knowing what it means to agree to disagree.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
10:22 pm

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