joie de viv-re

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The mental anguish.

I missed the first day of school today. Whilst in 2005, missing school seemed really fun. This time around, I don't think I will be thinking the same way anymore. Afterall, this academic year will be the most important to date. The highest level certificate which I am aiming to acheive. And I do not want any ordinary certificate. I want to hold one, which I know can get me into a course I would like to study. Eleven more months. It is going to be a ride. But I know I can do it.

Anyway. I missed school today due to a fever. With my sister sick for more than a week now, there was a chance that I would catch the virus. And sure enough. It hit me. And it hit hard. The entire previous night was spent with a burning sensation. The thermometer probably did not truly reflect my temperature. It was fever like I had never experienced before. The heat refused to leave, despite the panadols and sponging. While I lay on my bed, I pretty much could not fall asleep. And that was how it went. All the way till 3am. When I finally succumbed to the sheer exhaustion and tiredness which the medicine administered brought. What I speak of is the physical discomfort. While that is uncomfortable and far from ideal, what I actually fear most about being sick is the mental side.

Having a fever meant that I am open to the possibility of having been bitten by an aedes mosquitoe. And being infected with dengue fever. And that thought worries me. Having dengue would mean a hospital stay of at least 4 days. Meanwhile, I would have to undergo blood transfusion to ensure the blood count would not drop below what is determined as safe. Both the idea of staying in a hospital and having a strangers' blood flowing through my body definitely do not appeal to me one bit. That is the thing about sickness- the uncertainty. I never really know what is happening to me, the doctors can only guess, and make the best diagnosis possible. Which is why I am simply amazed by my sister. She has just faced her illness bravely. It has been one week and two days since she felt normal. She has felt the heat of fever, the discomfort of cough. Gone through two blood tests. Sent for a medical check up in the hospital. But she has stood strong. Yes, she has been worried. And scared. But how she has handled her illness. I simply have to give it up to her. I guess, that is how much she trusts in Jesus Christ. That if He can bring us to trials. He will bring us through them.

Lord, I pray that you heal both my sister and I, that we may be able to resume our normal lives. And that in everything we do, we do it for Your glory and honour.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
9:04 pm

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