joie de viv-re

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Feeling low on the highway of life.

I guess the opening statement summed up my emotions in the best possible way. For some of us, it just seems that life demands so much out of us. So much is expected, and expected in the shortest time possible. Being caught within the Junior College system, I am yet another person to fall prey to the neverending academic rat race within Singapore. When every major examination proves to be a turning point in one's life. Be it PSLE, Ordinary Level or Advanced Level. Failure at any one of these could just condemn our future. There is space for failure. But there is no time for it. That is the highway of life which I am going through. When the motivation is grounded at approximately zero. But the expectations peaking at a hundred percent.

Being a close perfectionist, I simply cannot understand why that spirit never encompasses the academic aspect of my life. Maybe its sheer laziness. I always want to give of my best. Nothing less than a hundred percent effort and commitment. Be it in my handwriting. Or when playing soccer. And especially so, when I am in NPCC. But sadly, the most important aspect of my life would have been left out. I do not wish to end the year with regrets.

The past month has been spent on such an emotional low. Despite the exterior which did not reveal much. It is pretty much emptiness within me. The feeling of living life, without a purpose. Without a goal in mind. When there is almost nothing to look forward to. No one to share my joy with. Or to complain about the pain. And to whine about the people who pissed me off. I wish there would be someone there to fill that gap.

On the bright side, seeing the Campcraft Team train despite the bad weather yesterday was pretty amazing. Feeling the determination within them to go further. I am just so proud of them. Maybe, it is essential that I learn a thing or two from them about determination in everything I do.

Reminiscence the past, cherish the present, look forward to the future with hope.
6:42 pm

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